One Conversation

I'm a firm believer in one conversation. It's magical in a group of 8 or less to circle around one, directed, positive focused conversation. People who are evolved talk about ideas and explore together. This is much deeper and more connecting then discussing the latest fashion trends, the actitivities of your children, or other people. Not that those things are bad to talk about, but to create a deep connection between people you need permission to go deep.

I discovered this by accident in the early 2000's. My friend Alex and I created a book club without a book. We did this because we wanted to develop deeper friendships and to expand our circles. We invited 3 friends each and ended up with a group of 7 women.

We had very few rules, all of them made life easier not harder. The first rule was you don't have to come or RSVP just come if you're up for it and in the mood. We also were sure to tell people the meeting was always at the same time and the same place and that they didn't need to bring anything, no food or drink.  The amazing thing is without putting pressure on people we got the best response ever! People came almost every time and they brought the occasional bottle of wine or left over cookies. But food wasn't the point. Connection was.

The one conversation was important because it gave everyone a chance to talk and it made us listen. We were listening 6/7's of the time, and only talking 1/6 of the time. In groups where you break off into smaller conversations in groups of 2's or 3's you rarely listen and I bet if the other person is talking you're thinking of what you want to say and contribute.

We also had 2 questions each time. A lighter question to break the ice and get people relaxed and a deeper question to give the women a chance to share their hearts. We also made it clear that one could pass or they could answer the question in a way which didn't make them too vulnerable if they weren't ready for that.

The first time we met I asked everyone to share a childhood memory. We heard fun stories about growing up in Iran and western Oregon. I also asked people to share a challenge they were facing and how their friends could support them. Even though most of the women didn't know each other, we got close fast! We learned to listen, and we looked forward to having a chance to dive deep together.

Groups like this combat loneliness. They give us a chance to make and keep deep and supportive friendships.